Hard work

Lately I've been thinking about how hard relationships are. As in any relationship-parent/child, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, co-workers. You get the picture. It requires a lot of work to be in relationship with someone. I think that's a pretty obvious statement-definitely something that I've known. That part is not new to me. But what is new or newer anyways, is that all relationships require this and it's up to me to decide if I want to put in the effort. Because the reward is great: 

The best part of relationships are when you reach that level of familiarity-you know, when it is just comfortable and easy and there's not as much work required as there is in the beginning. Of course there is still work in order to maintain what is good, but it's just so great- the inside jokes, the not needing to explain a certain back-story, the ease of jumping right in to deep conversation because all the surface level stuff has already been talked about, the feeling of being known and still loved. This is the reward of all that hard work at the beginning. And it is so worth it! 

So in Vickery, just like in life, there are some relationships that are so easy. There are kids who I feel like I have known for forever. Like they have always been a part of my life. I feel like their second mom and I know without a doubt that these kids trust me fully. There is no doubt in their mind that I want to spend time with them, that I want to play games, that I know them and the details of their life. And then there are the other kids... the ones that are hard to love. The ones that annoy me and that I have little patience for because their not "my" kids. But the funny thing about Vickery is that it is such a transient culture. People are always picking up and moving to the next best place. For whatever reason-they have family there, they heard about lower rent, someone told them it was better than where they are now. One of my very favorite families that I have known for two and a half years is moving soon. I can't even begin to imagine life without them here and yet I have to because they are really moving. After talking about it for the last year, they finally bought plane tickets and they are out of here on March 5. I love this family so much. I could tell you a million reasons why, but then we'd be here forever. Mostly they just have found a way into my heart and I don't think they'll ever not be a part of my heart. I've taken them to doctor's appointments, been with Arjun when he got his cast taken off of his broken arm, visited Indra in the hospital when Angelica was born (helped decide how to spell her name!), eaten dinner in their home so many times, been invited to celebrate their holidays, taken Arjun and Manisha to church, talked with Beda about who Jesus is, prayed for them oh so much. And so much more. But they are leaving. And I will still be here. A little more heartbroken but blessed beyond belief to have known them. Because God didn't call me to Vickery to love one family and although I can't imagine life here without them-it will go on. And there are other families and other kids who need love and friendship. And I need them too. And it will require work and awkward, hard to understand conversations and funny food and patience... It requires me playing Go Fish with the hard to love kid so that he knows that I want to spend time with him and maybe one day he'll be my favorite. And maybe I'll get to know his parents and become friends with them and share Jesus. That will be a good day. So I will work at it because as much as I can't imagine Vickery without the Dhungana family, even more I can't imagine not living here. I thank God every day that I live here. I see God at work and feel his presence here. I see things that hurt him but I also see situations that bring him honor and glory. I see people that he loves! 

So all this to say that relationships are hard but they are worth fighting for. And on the days I want to be lazy and not work at a new relationship, I pray that God would remind me what it is I'm working toward. That he would remind me of this little family that has stolen my heart. I can't wait for all the phone conversations that I will get to have with Arjun and Manisha in the coming months! If you know them too, please keep praying for them, to know Jesus, to make friends, to settle in to their new home easily. 

Thankful for this life I live! 

He's Here!

So one of my favorite Christmas presents in 2012 was a book called "The Jesus Storybook Bible." Our pastor told us about it probably over a year ago and I always wanted to go get a copy, but never did. Anyways a sweet friend of mine bought it for me and I absolutely love it! Every page is completely fun and artsy and the stories of the Bible are told simply and honestly. And the theme that runs through it, is that Jesus is our Rescuer. That God has always had a plan to Rescue us. Something that God has been bringing to my attention over the last couple of years. 

crazies :) 

In the weeks leading up to Christmas all of our neighbor kiddos were super excited of course about all the holiday stuff going at school and at home. My awesome roomie bought a real, Evergreen tree and put it up in the house and we invited kiddos over to help decorate it. Thankfully Michael's had these awesome foam ornament decorating kits which made it really easy for the kids to make the ornaments. So we made ornaments, ate cookies, sang Christmas songs and decorated the tree. We also read the Christmas story from The Jesus Storybook Bible (my roomie had a copy-this was before I got mine). So Katie Joy (the roomie) and I took turns reading to the kids, telling them about when Jesus was born, how angels sang, how shepherds traveled far, and that just like several of them Jesus didn't live in the best neighborhood and at one point in his life he and his family were refugees. The kids listened pretty well and asked tons of awesome, crazy theological questions afterwards like "is God more powerful than the devil?" and "what are we gonna do in Heaven, will we be bored?" It was a fun discussion. :) My awesome roommate shared the gospel and we talked about that a little more then we prayed - it was just so much fun. There was a part that I got to read from the story about the wise men following the star, looking for Jesus:

"They followed the star through the streets of Bethlehem, out of the nice part of town, through the not-so-nice part of town, into the really-not-nice-at-all part of town, down a little dirt track, until it stopped right over...a little house. But wait. It wasn't a palace. And there weren't any guards. Or servants. Or flags. Or red carpets. Or trumpets. Or anything. Did they get it wrong? Or was this what God had meant?" 

And, of course, Jesus was exactly where God had planned for him to be. In this tiny little stable, a tiny baby, helplessly dependent on Mary and Joseph-these two imperfect people that God chose to raise his Son. Man, I just can't imagine. I got choked up reading it to the kids. I'm sure they didn't notice. But I was just overwhelmed with how much God loves them, how much he loves this area called Vickery and how even though it is considered "the not-so-nice part of town," it's an amazing place where miracles happen all the time. Sometimes you have to really look for it and sometimes they are blatantly in your face! 

Road trip! 

Another really great thing about this past Christmas was that two of my neighbors were able to come home with me and have Christmas in East Texas. Jamuna and Khagen, two of my favorites from Nepal, who live in my apartment complex had been asking about coming home with me and it just worked out that Christmas was the best time with Jamuna's work schedule. Jamuna and Khagen are two of the sweetest teenagers you will ever meet! Khagen had already met everyone in my family at some point or another through visits to Vickery but Jamuna had only met my brother I think. So they were super excited about their first "real Christmas." Jamuna and Khagen are from a Hindu family so they don't celebrate Christmas typically although Khagen did celebrate Christmas the year before with some other friends who live here in our complex by cutting down a tree and decorating it in their home. 

I love them so much 

Of course I let my parents know that they were coming home with me and everyone in my family was really awesome about it. My mom made up a new Christmas bingo game and she also made sure that Jamuna and Khagen had their own personalized stockings. And I just love Jamuna and Khagen-they are some of the most welcoming kids-they just jumped right in and called my mom and dad- "mom and dad." Jamuna was a little worried about the food, but she did great and even loved my mom's chicken and rice casserole, which is our favorite family meal ever. It was just so much fun to have them be part of our family for several days. It would have been fun to see things from their perspective- the way we play games and are super competitive, how we pray before meals, how my Uncle Dana is so redneck and how he has the best laugh in the world, just all the little things that make up your family that you don't even notice until someone else is there watching. We also read the Christmas story from The Jesus Storybook Bible(because we always read the story before opening presents)-Britt read it and I got choked up again just listening to her-she did so great. 

Sweet family

It was also an emotional Christmas because it was the first one without my grandpa. So thankful to have my grandma and Britt both there from Florida. I know it was hard for them and especially for my dad. It's always hard when you realize again that he's not here right now, but there really is this peace and joy in knowing that he's with Jesus. And I just think my life and so many others would be so very different if my grandpa had not been just who he was, who God called him to be and lived a life striving to love Jesus. This Christmas would have looked different if not for my grandpa's faithfulness. That's a pretty awesome legacy to leave behind. 

Christmas was really special this year (last year?) and again, I'm so thankful to live where I live and experience Christmas in new ways. Through the eyes of my neighbors. Through the eyes of shepherds and wise men. Through Mary's eyes. 

Here's one other quote from The Jesus Storybook Bible that I love: 

"But this child was a new kind of king. Though he was Prince of Heaven, he had become poor. Though he was the Mighty God, he had become a helpless baby. This King hadn't come to to be the boss. He had come to be a servant."

So thankful for our servant King!!  

(Un)hindered Obedience.

Yesterday was a long day. It was full of really good things and people that I love, but it was hard. It was busy and required some flexibility on my part, but it was mostly hard because I caught another glimpse of my heart and it was not as pretty as I would like it to be. It was one of those days where there were a lot of opportunities to be involved in what God is doing here in Vickery and I was involved. I was obedient. But I was not joyful. I would say that joy is one of the characteristics that should mark a follower of Jesus. Obedience is too, but I am really good at being obedient without joy and that is not a characteristic of Jesus. "For the joy set before him, he endured the cross." (I'm paraphrasing..Hebrews 12:2). 


This is something that has marked me for some time, I think. In my bible study group, I told my "life story" once to all the girls in my group and one of the girls said something to the effect of "Jessica, you may not always want to be obedient to Jesus, but you are obedient." Something like that. And she meant it as a compliment. I get that. I also know that without joy, without love...what's the use of my obedience? It is just another thing that I am doing with no lasting value. 


Jesus keeps reminding me that my joy should be in him, that the things I do "for" him, should be out of joy and love for him. I want it to be that way. And sometimes it is. The thing with Jesus is, that he still blesses my obedience even when I am so unwilling and so frustrated when something that he asks me to do interferes with what I really want to do, which is usually something focused on myself. 


One of the sweet babies that I wrote about in my previous post has been in the hospital the last two days. From what I can understand, he has a bladder infection. I found out about this yesterday from an extended family member so I passed along word to have one of my friends (the aunt of the baby) call me later to tell me how the baby was doing. My friend, J, called me at 8:30 last night and I immediately asked about the baby (so caring of me) and she said he was okay, but could I take her to the hospital to see the baby and the baby's mom (her sister) and to drop off food for the mom. My initial, gut reaction was "I don't want to go. I don't want to drive downtown to the hospital late at night. I don't want to figure out parking. I just don't want to go." But I said yes. (me being obedient, but without joy.) And we went. And you know, it was great. We were able to see the baby and mom even though it was after visiting hours (thank you, nice nurses) and the mom was so grateful to see us and encouraged by us coming, especially because her sister and mother were able to come. It was just good. I got to hold this precious baby that has been sick and before I left I got to pray for him. This family is Hindu and they know I follow Jesus but I always want to be respectful to them and so I asked the mom "Can I pray for S before I go?" And she said "oh yes, I was going to ask you to pray before you left." What a sweet moment of being able to pray for this little baby that Jesus - Jehovah Rapha - the Lord who Heals, would heal him! And that this family was okay with me praying for him. I am so thankful that I got to be there last night. And so awed by Jesus' grace, that even in my selfishness, he still allows me to be a part of times like this. He is so good. 


So, things I am learning:
1. Jesus desires my joy, not just my obedience. 
2. That these people are my family. And if I truly believe that, I will act it out. Not only when someone else is watching or asking me about "what's it like working with refugees in Vickery?" But when it counts. When nobody else knows. When my family needs me. Whether it is just to listen, or to eat a meal together, or to give them a ride to the hospital late at night when that's not what I had planned. That is what family does. And they are my family. 


Thanks for reading, 
jess

Cup of Blessing

A scripture that I have been trying to hold on to lately is Psalm 16:5-

Lord, You are my portion

and my cup of blessing; 

You hold my future. 

It's good right? The title of the Psalm in my bible (Holman Christian Standard Bible version) is Confidence in the Lord. I lack a lot of that for some reason. I think I just get caught up in all the things I want (not need) and how I don't have some of those things right now. Marriage. Kids. Those are the big two. And some days I do not have confidence that God is going to fulfill those things in my life. But when I am pursuing Jesus, pursuing time with him, pursuing friendships that speak truth over me then I remember that the Lord truly IS my portion. He IS my cup of blessing and he HOLDS my future. Sigh. So good.  I wish I had better theological things to say about this, but all I can really say right now is that I know Jesus is good. I know that he is more than enough for me every day and that the only reason there is anything good in me is because he is in my life. Oh yeah-Psalm 16:2- I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; I have no good besides You." Hello-story of my life!! This is something that I have really been and continue to struggle through. I don't think that anyone ever overtly taught me that I need to please God through doing things or that what I do is what makes me worthwhile, but through some really good conversations with others in my life right now, I am learning that I find a lot of my worth in the things I do. That I work with foster children, that I love refugees, that I am good somehow because of these things. Ugh. Not true! I think I have equated these things with part of the reason why Jesus loves me. Or that somehow because I do these things other people will know how much I love Jesus. I have placed my value in these things. And I have left Jesus out of it and started to believe that somehow I could meet others' needs. Right... So the plan is that I will pursue Jesus daily because he has pursued me because he loves me. And he loves you. And the first commandment is: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." So this is what I will strive to do. Ask me if I'm doing this next time you see me! :) 

Stuff going on in Vickery lately-

Lots of babies! Two of my friends have had babies over the last two months. And they are beautiful, sweet Nepali babies!! I'm so proud of the two moms and how they are doing! Both babies are precious and healthy. 

Angelica and Saneesh 

Random fun times with kids in the apartments. One of my little friends, M, is really into listing out homophones (which if you are like me, you don't really remember grammar things-homophones are words that sound like each other but are spelled differently such as: ate and eight.) See how that works? One of our games lately is to be able to list out as many homophones as we can think of. M is a smartypants for a 1st grader and she can think of way more than I can. Love her. 

Sweet brothers (ok, most of the time...)

I spent a few hours with my Burmese family last Sunday. Played Go Fish for about an hour outside their apartment. Then the mom came home and she invited me in to eat Lepetho (no idea how that is spelled) but that's what it sounds like when she says it. Basically it's a leaf from Burma that is cooked and then mixed with a dried bean mixture. Very interesting and actually I thought it was really good! We ate it out on their balcony of their apartment and also had sugar cane candy and tea. It was awesome! And it really is so fun to sit and hang out with their family. They very much treat me as family I feel like, although they like to tell me how great I am -which is not good for the pride and value thing I was talking about earlier. So I always just say-Jesus is good, not me. And they know that ultimately that is true. I am so thankful for them and how they invite me into their home and expect nothing from me. This week I was sick and I got a text from the father today asking me how I was feeling. Family!! I'm so thankful for them. 

Burmese snack. :) Mmm

I went to Florida for Spring Break with my friend Katie. We went to visit our friends, Matt and Bethany, and it was a blast. I read through the Hunger Games series (just in time to see the movie), we spent time in Miami at the beach and played tons of games. It was such a nice break from work and Dallas. 

Miss this girl! 

Thanks for reading.... 

jess

A day in the life...

     I haven't posted in forever. Mostly because I have been busy with work, with life, whatever. Blah, blah, blah. I just have not shown  my commitment to this blog. So even though it is currently 10:30 p.m. and that is past my bedtime, I've decided I need to write. 


     Because the purpose of this blog is to somewhat chronicle my life (and help me remember awesome things that happen), I'm just going to give a rundown of my day today. 


     This morning I slept in until about 7:15 a.m. I didn't have any foster home visits today, so I didn't have to be up at a certain time. I got up, got on my computer, checked work emails, ate breakfast and actually spent some time with Jesus (whole other post-I desperately need more time with Jesus!) While hanging out with Jesus, I got a phone call from one of my Nepali friends who lives in my apartment complex. She was calling to see if I could give her mother a ride to work. This was at about 8:20 a.m. Of course, I can, what else am I doing? So I hop in the car (dressed in my p.j.'s still-which totally consisted of tights, sports bra, tank, sweatshirt oh and my black, furry boots from Greece-they are my fave.) I looked awesome. Headed over to apartment #311, picked up my friend, S, who happens to be 8 months pregnant, and then we drove over to her mother's apartment and picked up the mother. Then we all headed to work. Thankfully, S, has driven her mother to work plenty of times and gave me great directions to the workplace. (Because if you know me, you know I get lost, anywhere, even and especially in malls, parking lots, places I've been numerous times.) However, thanks to S, we made it to work, dropped mom off, and headed back to the apartment. Got back and S and I both realized I have not visited S' apartment since she moved back in over here with her husband. We decided that I needed to see all of S' baby stuff that she just got at her work baby shower. I went and checked that out with her and we talked about her apartment and how she really misses her old apartment because it was bigger, etc. We also discussed what it is I actually do for a living. It is really hard to explain foster care to refugees-I'm pretty sure they all think I don't actually have a job since I work from home so frequently. But anyways I did my best to explain it and talked about how some parents make bad choices and  don't keep their kids safe. We talked about how some people choose to use drugs around their kids-S said "why are they so stupid?" I ask myself this a lot. But then we talked about addiction and how it is hard to stop these choices after you start making them. And then we talked about her two younger siblings who are in high school and middle school and how she doesn't want this for them. I love S and how she looks out for her family. She is a fighter for sure. Finally after about 30 minutes of chatting, I said I needed to go back to work. Again, probably didn't make a ton of sense, but she let me go. 


     So, went back to work, still in my p.j.'s. Answering emails, talking to foster parents on the phone, writing up a home study-pretty exciting stuff. I also may have played Scramble with Friends on my new Iphone!!! It's addicting. And I'm kind of terrible at it, which just makes me want to play more so that I can beat people and feel smart. But that is besides the point. 


     I finally took a shower around 2 p.m. Around 3:30 p.m. the door starts getting beat down by kids who live in my apartment complex and who probably also don't think I have a real job because I always seem to be home...And they don't just knock. Oh no. They turn the doorknob, they beat on the door, they let the clacker thing bang on the door and then when all else fails, they yell "Jess, hey Jess, are you home? Jess?" It's great. So I couldn't answer the first wave of kids because I actually was working (on the phone with a foster parent). Then a little bit later, some more kids came by and I went to the door and talked for a few minutes, but explained that I had a lot of work to do and they could not come over today. While talking to these girls, I saw the Nepali grandma that lives next door. Oh I love her. She is tiny and beautiful and she gives me hugs and smiles so brightly at me every time I see her. So we hugged and each talked to each other in our language and did not understand each other at all, but it was wonderful. While talking to the grandma, another Nepali lady walks up. I assume she is visiting my next-door neighbors. But she is interested to see me. So my Nepali grandma goes inside her apartment and this other new friend comes inside my apartment. Yep, just comes in, looks around, starts asking me questions about who all lives in the apartment, where do my parents live, am I married (nope..), etc. She is really sweet, just very curious. We chat for awhile, I explain that yes, I am actually working. She continues to chat about various things, her children, how old they are-2 girls, 1 boy, ages 22, 21, 19. Then I get a work phone call so I say "I'm sorry, this is for work, it was nice to meet you." I'm assuming that she will let herself out of the apartment because I had left the door open. So I'm talking to one of my foster parents and then I hear my roommate's toilet flush. A few seconds later, my new Nepali friend comes around the corner where I am sitting at the kitchen table and lets me know that she just took a tour of the apartment. You know, just a look around in our bedrooms, etc. I'm still on the phone at this point, so I just say "ok, thank you."  What else do you say? If she wasn't a sweet, older Nepali woman, I would think she was casing our apartment so she could come back later for the good stuff. Ha. Really, all I could do was laugh. I think she and I are friends for life now. 


     Around 4:30 p.m. a few more kiddos drop by. They say lots of "pleases" and give me puppy dog eyes, but I don't budge-I really have to get documentation done for work today. 


     Then at 6:30 p.m. I get ready to head out because I have a date with my neighbors down the way. They are from Burma and they are the sweetest family because they are my family! They love me to pieces and I am so thankful for them. The mom had an appointment with Aveda Hair Institute at 7:45 p.m. but before the hair appointment she wanted to take me to dinner, so we headed over to the Jumbo China Buffet. I have seen the sign for this place a million times, but have never been until tonight. It was me, my neighbor and her 9 year old daughter. We had a great time. They were so excited to show me the buffet and encouraged me to eat "more, more." The food was good and we had a good time just talking about our days, what is going on in their family and most importantly, how she wanted to get her hair cut!! We finished up at the buffet, read all of our fortune cookies and headed to Aveda. I did not know this but at Aveda (where there are students learning how to cut hair, etc) they estimate up to an hour and a half for a haircut!! Yikes! Thankfully Aveda is located in this outdoor mall area, so the 9 year old daughter and I took a little walk to Old Navy and bought a few clothing items. That was way more fun than sitting in the waiting area at Aveda. Finally around 9:15 p.m. my neighbor came out looking like a model with her brand new haircut and we all headed home. All the way home in the car she kept saying "I'm so happy!" She loved her haircut and I know she also loved that we got to hang out for several hours. 


     All in all, a really great day. I get super wrapped up in my own little life schedule some times and I forget to enjoy the moments I am in, but today was good. There was joy, laughter, hugs and just this feeling of knowing that God is good and he is in each of these moments. He cares about each of these moments. In my life and yours. 


     P.S. It is now 11:20 which is way past my bedtime. 
P.P.S-I don't have any pictures to go along with this post. I'll work on that for next time. :) 

A Very Merry Vickery Christmas

     This past Thursday night my roomie and I had a Christmas party in our apartment. We might have invited close to 90 people (and that was just on Facebook) and by "we" I mean me...Rach invited folks of course, but I just hate the thought of leaving anyone out so I kept adding people to the list. Thankfully as I told Rach would happen, not all 90 people came. But a lot of kiddos came. Several of the teenage boys that used to live here got a ride with one of our neighbors and came which was so great to be able to see them. There were people from Nepal, Burma, Africa and the United States. 

(Some background info-I live in a low-income apartment complex where many refugees are re-settled upon arriving in the United States for the first time. I live here on purpose. And I love it! There are several reasons why I choose to live here which I will go into more detail about in another post, but I just wanted to put that out there so my posts make a little more sense.) 

                             Sa Ron and some of her children. Such a sweet woman. 

     So our Christmas party was a little bit like a tiny United Nations or something to that effect. Several of our friends from small group came as well as neighbors of ours from church that also live in this apartment complex. My next door neighbors came for a little while-they are from Nepal and so sweet. We had cookie decorating going on and fun snacks to eat. At one point we had a friend who offered to play guitar. He played a couple of Christmas songs and ended with the song "Mighty to Save." It was beautiful. Especially the part in the song that says "Everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a Savior, the hope of nations." I teared up a little during that part of the song, thinking of all the nations represented in our apartment in that moment and knowing the opportunity I have on a daily basis to love others like Jesus and to tell His story to them. Do I always do that? No, definitely not. But I am thankful that he shows me his grace and grants me more opportunities. The Christmas party was full of games of Uno, Go Fish and even ended with a flute solo by one of our eighth graders. (He was awesome!) It was a really great evening-so worth all the spills and cookie crumbles. My small group girls were amazing-they provided tons of candy so we could give those out as goodie bags, which the kids loved! I am super blessed to have friends (and my roomie especially) who love on these kids and provide a great example to them. 

                                    Cookie Decorating!! (a little messy...)