Birthday Month

I love celebrating my birthday. I'm sure that will get old one day...pun intended! But right now it is a lot of fun and who doesn't love cards and gifts and hugs? My birthday was June 10 and it was great. My current roommate and I share the same birthday so we had a joint birthday party in our apartment on our actual birthday. We invited friends, family and neighbors. Here is a glimpse of our par-tay:

Roomie Rach - Happy shared birthday! 

Sweet neighbors

The Dunghana family-We love them! 

So many friends!

Sweet sisters. Makes my heart smile.

I'm so thankful to have gotten to celebrate with these friends and neighbors. I also got to see my mom, Mawmaw, brother and sister-in-law the weekend after my birthday. The day before my birthday I was able to go to a Tim McGraw/Kenny Chesney concert with two great friends and their husbands. And my supervisor at work made me cupcakes!! Turning 29 is definitely off to a good start-super grateful for all the blessings in my life. 

Yay birthday month!

jess 

(Un)hindered Obedience.

Yesterday was a long day. It was full of really good things and people that I love, but it was hard. It was busy and required some flexibility on my part, but it was mostly hard because I caught another glimpse of my heart and it was not as pretty as I would like it to be. It was one of those days where there were a lot of opportunities to be involved in what God is doing here in Vickery and I was involved. I was obedient. But I was not joyful. I would say that joy is one of the characteristics that should mark a follower of Jesus. Obedience is too, but I am really good at being obedient without joy and that is not a characteristic of Jesus. "For the joy set before him, he endured the cross." (I'm paraphrasing..Hebrews 12:2). 


This is something that has marked me for some time, I think. In my bible study group, I told my "life story" once to all the girls in my group and one of the girls said something to the effect of "Jessica, you may not always want to be obedient to Jesus, but you are obedient." Something like that. And she meant it as a compliment. I get that. I also know that without joy, without love...what's the use of my obedience? It is just another thing that I am doing with no lasting value. 


Jesus keeps reminding me that my joy should be in him, that the things I do "for" him, should be out of joy and love for him. I want it to be that way. And sometimes it is. The thing with Jesus is, that he still blesses my obedience even when I am so unwilling and so frustrated when something that he asks me to do interferes with what I really want to do, which is usually something focused on myself. 


One of the sweet babies that I wrote about in my previous post has been in the hospital the last two days. From what I can understand, he has a bladder infection. I found out about this yesterday from an extended family member so I passed along word to have one of my friends (the aunt of the baby) call me later to tell me how the baby was doing. My friend, J, called me at 8:30 last night and I immediately asked about the baby (so caring of me) and she said he was okay, but could I take her to the hospital to see the baby and the baby's mom (her sister) and to drop off food for the mom. My initial, gut reaction was "I don't want to go. I don't want to drive downtown to the hospital late at night. I don't want to figure out parking. I just don't want to go." But I said yes. (me being obedient, but without joy.) And we went. And you know, it was great. We were able to see the baby and mom even though it was after visiting hours (thank you, nice nurses) and the mom was so grateful to see us and encouraged by us coming, especially because her sister and mother were able to come. It was just good. I got to hold this precious baby that has been sick and before I left I got to pray for him. This family is Hindu and they know I follow Jesus but I always want to be respectful to them and so I asked the mom "Can I pray for S before I go?" And she said "oh yes, I was going to ask you to pray before you left." What a sweet moment of being able to pray for this little baby that Jesus - Jehovah Rapha - the Lord who Heals, would heal him! And that this family was okay with me praying for him. I am so thankful that I got to be there last night. And so awed by Jesus' grace, that even in my selfishness, he still allows me to be a part of times like this. He is so good. 


So, things I am learning:
1. Jesus desires my joy, not just my obedience. 
2. That these people are my family. And if I truly believe that, I will act it out. Not only when someone else is watching or asking me about "what's it like working with refugees in Vickery?" But when it counts. When nobody else knows. When my family needs me. Whether it is just to listen, or to eat a meal together, or to give them a ride to the hospital late at night when that's not what I had planned. That is what family does. And they are my family. 


Thanks for reading, 
jess

Cup of Blessing

A scripture that I have been trying to hold on to lately is Psalm 16:5-

Lord, You are my portion

and my cup of blessing; 

You hold my future. 

It's good right? The title of the Psalm in my bible (Holman Christian Standard Bible version) is Confidence in the Lord. I lack a lot of that for some reason. I think I just get caught up in all the things I want (not need) and how I don't have some of those things right now. Marriage. Kids. Those are the big two. And some days I do not have confidence that God is going to fulfill those things in my life. But when I am pursuing Jesus, pursuing time with him, pursuing friendships that speak truth over me then I remember that the Lord truly IS my portion. He IS my cup of blessing and he HOLDS my future. Sigh. So good.  I wish I had better theological things to say about this, but all I can really say right now is that I know Jesus is good. I know that he is more than enough for me every day and that the only reason there is anything good in me is because he is in my life. Oh yeah-Psalm 16:2- I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; I have no good besides You." Hello-story of my life!! This is something that I have really been and continue to struggle through. I don't think that anyone ever overtly taught me that I need to please God through doing things or that what I do is what makes me worthwhile, but through some really good conversations with others in my life right now, I am learning that I find a lot of my worth in the things I do. That I work with foster children, that I love refugees, that I am good somehow because of these things. Ugh. Not true! I think I have equated these things with part of the reason why Jesus loves me. Or that somehow because I do these things other people will know how much I love Jesus. I have placed my value in these things. And I have left Jesus out of it and started to believe that somehow I could meet others' needs. Right... So the plan is that I will pursue Jesus daily because he has pursued me because he loves me. And he loves you. And the first commandment is: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." So this is what I will strive to do. Ask me if I'm doing this next time you see me! :) 

Stuff going on in Vickery lately-

Lots of babies! Two of my friends have had babies over the last two months. And they are beautiful, sweet Nepali babies!! I'm so proud of the two moms and how they are doing! Both babies are precious and healthy. 

Angelica and Saneesh 

Random fun times with kids in the apartments. One of my little friends, M, is really into listing out homophones (which if you are like me, you don't really remember grammar things-homophones are words that sound like each other but are spelled differently such as: ate and eight.) See how that works? One of our games lately is to be able to list out as many homophones as we can think of. M is a smartypants for a 1st grader and she can think of way more than I can. Love her. 

Sweet brothers (ok, most of the time...)

I spent a few hours with my Burmese family last Sunday. Played Go Fish for about an hour outside their apartment. Then the mom came home and she invited me in to eat Lepetho (no idea how that is spelled) but that's what it sounds like when she says it. Basically it's a leaf from Burma that is cooked and then mixed with a dried bean mixture. Very interesting and actually I thought it was really good! We ate it out on their balcony of their apartment and also had sugar cane candy and tea. It was awesome! And it really is so fun to sit and hang out with their family. They very much treat me as family I feel like, although they like to tell me how great I am -which is not good for the pride and value thing I was talking about earlier. So I always just say-Jesus is good, not me. And they know that ultimately that is true. I am so thankful for them and how they invite me into their home and expect nothing from me. This week I was sick and I got a text from the father today asking me how I was feeling. Family!! I'm so thankful for them. 

Burmese snack. :) Mmm

I went to Florida for Spring Break with my friend Katie. We went to visit our friends, Matt and Bethany, and it was a blast. I read through the Hunger Games series (just in time to see the movie), we spent time in Miami at the beach and played tons of games. It was such a nice break from work and Dallas. 

Miss this girl! 

Thanks for reading.... 

jess

A day in the life...

     I haven't posted in forever. Mostly because I have been busy with work, with life, whatever. Blah, blah, blah. I just have not shown  my commitment to this blog. So even though it is currently 10:30 p.m. and that is past my bedtime, I've decided I need to write. 


     Because the purpose of this blog is to somewhat chronicle my life (and help me remember awesome things that happen), I'm just going to give a rundown of my day today. 


     This morning I slept in until about 7:15 a.m. I didn't have any foster home visits today, so I didn't have to be up at a certain time. I got up, got on my computer, checked work emails, ate breakfast and actually spent some time with Jesus (whole other post-I desperately need more time with Jesus!) While hanging out with Jesus, I got a phone call from one of my Nepali friends who lives in my apartment complex. She was calling to see if I could give her mother a ride to work. This was at about 8:20 a.m. Of course, I can, what else am I doing? So I hop in the car (dressed in my p.j.'s still-which totally consisted of tights, sports bra, tank, sweatshirt oh and my black, furry boots from Greece-they are my fave.) I looked awesome. Headed over to apartment #311, picked up my friend, S, who happens to be 8 months pregnant, and then we drove over to her mother's apartment and picked up the mother. Then we all headed to work. Thankfully, S, has driven her mother to work plenty of times and gave me great directions to the workplace. (Because if you know me, you know I get lost, anywhere, even and especially in malls, parking lots, places I've been numerous times.) However, thanks to S, we made it to work, dropped mom off, and headed back to the apartment. Got back and S and I both realized I have not visited S' apartment since she moved back in over here with her husband. We decided that I needed to see all of S' baby stuff that she just got at her work baby shower. I went and checked that out with her and we talked about her apartment and how she really misses her old apartment because it was bigger, etc. We also discussed what it is I actually do for a living. It is really hard to explain foster care to refugees-I'm pretty sure they all think I don't actually have a job since I work from home so frequently. But anyways I did my best to explain it and talked about how some parents make bad choices and  don't keep their kids safe. We talked about how some people choose to use drugs around their kids-S said "why are they so stupid?" I ask myself this a lot. But then we talked about addiction and how it is hard to stop these choices after you start making them. And then we talked about her two younger siblings who are in high school and middle school and how she doesn't want this for them. I love S and how she looks out for her family. She is a fighter for sure. Finally after about 30 minutes of chatting, I said I needed to go back to work. Again, probably didn't make a ton of sense, but she let me go. 


     So, went back to work, still in my p.j.'s. Answering emails, talking to foster parents on the phone, writing up a home study-pretty exciting stuff. I also may have played Scramble with Friends on my new Iphone!!! It's addicting. And I'm kind of terrible at it, which just makes me want to play more so that I can beat people and feel smart. But that is besides the point. 


     I finally took a shower around 2 p.m. Around 3:30 p.m. the door starts getting beat down by kids who live in my apartment complex and who probably also don't think I have a real job because I always seem to be home...And they don't just knock. Oh no. They turn the doorknob, they beat on the door, they let the clacker thing bang on the door and then when all else fails, they yell "Jess, hey Jess, are you home? Jess?" It's great. So I couldn't answer the first wave of kids because I actually was working (on the phone with a foster parent). Then a little bit later, some more kids came by and I went to the door and talked for a few minutes, but explained that I had a lot of work to do and they could not come over today. While talking to these girls, I saw the Nepali grandma that lives next door. Oh I love her. She is tiny and beautiful and she gives me hugs and smiles so brightly at me every time I see her. So we hugged and each talked to each other in our language and did not understand each other at all, but it was wonderful. While talking to the grandma, another Nepali lady walks up. I assume she is visiting my next-door neighbors. But she is interested to see me. So my Nepali grandma goes inside her apartment and this other new friend comes inside my apartment. Yep, just comes in, looks around, starts asking me questions about who all lives in the apartment, where do my parents live, am I married (nope..), etc. She is really sweet, just very curious. We chat for awhile, I explain that yes, I am actually working. She continues to chat about various things, her children, how old they are-2 girls, 1 boy, ages 22, 21, 19. Then I get a work phone call so I say "I'm sorry, this is for work, it was nice to meet you." I'm assuming that she will let herself out of the apartment because I had left the door open. So I'm talking to one of my foster parents and then I hear my roommate's toilet flush. A few seconds later, my new Nepali friend comes around the corner where I am sitting at the kitchen table and lets me know that she just took a tour of the apartment. You know, just a look around in our bedrooms, etc. I'm still on the phone at this point, so I just say "ok, thank you."  What else do you say? If she wasn't a sweet, older Nepali woman, I would think she was casing our apartment so she could come back later for the good stuff. Ha. Really, all I could do was laugh. I think she and I are friends for life now. 


     Around 4:30 p.m. a few more kiddos drop by. They say lots of "pleases" and give me puppy dog eyes, but I don't budge-I really have to get documentation done for work today. 


     Then at 6:30 p.m. I get ready to head out because I have a date with my neighbors down the way. They are from Burma and they are the sweetest family because they are my family! They love me to pieces and I am so thankful for them. The mom had an appointment with Aveda Hair Institute at 7:45 p.m. but before the hair appointment she wanted to take me to dinner, so we headed over to the Jumbo China Buffet. I have seen the sign for this place a million times, but have never been until tonight. It was me, my neighbor and her 9 year old daughter. We had a great time. They were so excited to show me the buffet and encouraged me to eat "more, more." The food was good and we had a good time just talking about our days, what is going on in their family and most importantly, how she wanted to get her hair cut!! We finished up at the buffet, read all of our fortune cookies and headed to Aveda. I did not know this but at Aveda (where there are students learning how to cut hair, etc) they estimate up to an hour and a half for a haircut!! Yikes! Thankfully Aveda is located in this outdoor mall area, so the 9 year old daughter and I took a little walk to Old Navy and bought a few clothing items. That was way more fun than sitting in the waiting area at Aveda. Finally around 9:15 p.m. my neighbor came out looking like a model with her brand new haircut and we all headed home. All the way home in the car she kept saying "I'm so happy!" She loved her haircut and I know she also loved that we got to hang out for several hours. 


     All in all, a really great day. I get super wrapped up in my own little life schedule some times and I forget to enjoy the moments I am in, but today was good. There was joy, laughter, hugs and just this feeling of knowing that God is good and he is in each of these moments. He cares about each of these moments. In my life and yours. 


     P.S. It is now 11:20 which is way past my bedtime. 
P.P.S-I don't have any pictures to go along with this post. I'll work on that for next time. :) 

New babies

     This week two new babies were born to families in my apartment complex. Both families are from Nepal. For one of the families, this is their first baby. For the other family, this is their third. It is always really exciting when new life enters the world. I am always amazed that we start out that little and helpless, completely dependent on others to care for us. 


     Dependence. Living in America, we are encouraged to be independent. As a woman, I feel like it's important for me to be independent and to be able to show that I can take care of myself (or at least I feel like I have been told this should be important to me.) But to be completely dependent on someone? It's been awhile since I have felt that way towards anyone. When I see these new babies or when I think about children coming into foster care who have all of a sudden been ripped away from the only family they have ever known and placed into a new family...man. I cannot imagine the confusion, how scary it is, how helpless you feel and the trust that has to be built. 


     But I think about God and how he asks us to be dependent on him and how even when he is faithful, I still fight against that and think I can somehow get through life on my own without his help. I realize that for some people the trust is not there for them. So I can only speak for myself when I say that I have seen God's faithfulness in my life and yet sometimes I still fail to trust him. I fail to trust that really his desire is for my good, that no matter what I may see as negative in my life, that he has a plan to use it for his glory and that is what matters. That the underlying truth of it all is that God is good. Even in hard things. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and do not rely on your own understanding. 

Proverbs 3:5

     When I rely/depend on others, they will fail me. If I look to others to tell me I am good enough, pretty enough, whatever, I will always fall short and spiral downwards. I know. I've done it plenty of times. But if I depend on the Lord and trust him with my life, with situations that I cannot control no matter how much I want to, he will take care of it. He will show me, again, that he is someone I can depend on. 


     New babies and practically every kid I know show me this truth all the time. They have to depend on adults to take care of them. Adults do not always do this well, of course, but the dependence these kiddos have, well, it makes me want to be like them. It reminds me of Jesus saying "Let the little children come to me. Don't stop them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I assure you: Whoever does not welcome the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." -Mark 10:14 I want to be like that in my faith. 


               

New baby Dunghana

Proud big sister! 

O Holy Night

     I'm not much into Christmas music. (Don't be mad at me!) I feel like it always starts way too soon-sometimes before Thanksgiving has even happened! So I kind of boycott it for awhile, at least until mid-December. Sounds kind of Grinch-y, right? I have friends (who will remain nameless) that would probably listen to it all year round or at least beginning in the summer if they thought no one would judge them. Maybe on some level I envy their Christmas spirit. But for whatever reason it takes me some time to get into the Christmas mood. 


     A few weeks ago, I went with my roommate to her church and of course there were Christmas songs and in the middle of singing "O Holy Night," I felt the impact of what Christ's birth really meant for all creation. I love the first verse that says "long lay the world in sin and error pining. Till He appeared and the soul felt it's worth." But the part that caused me to catch my breath, just a little, is this line-"Truly He taught us to love one another, His law is love and His gospel is peace. Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother. And in His name all oppression shall cease." In His name, ALL oppression shall cease. I cannot wait for this day. All throughout the Bible, God points to a new day where things will be made right. I cling to this truth. Because so many years ago, Christ came as a baby, because of His sacrifice, his choice to enter this world as a human, to become like us so that He could have a relationship with us, because of THIS, all oppression will cease. Wow. 


     There are so many other great Christmas songs with beautiful lyrics and it has been fun over the last few weeks to really worship while singing these songs. I know we are past Thanksgiving, but today on Christmas Eve, I am thankful that I am with my family. My family, who this year, gave money to sweet refugee families that I know instead of spending ridiculous amounts of money on each other. My brother, who made sure that his friend from Liberia had groceries and phone cards so that he could talk to his family who still lives in Liberia. I am thankful for my small group girls who bought candy to give out at our Christmas party. I am thankful that tomorrow I get to go on a road trip to Florida with my dad so that we can see my grandparents who have taught me so much about what it means to love Jesus and to see my Brittany whom I love so much.  


     Most of all I am thankful for this truth: 

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; 

on those living in the land of darkness; a light has dawned. 

For a Child will be born to us, a son will be given to us,

and the government will be on His shoulders. He will be named 

Wonderful Counselor, Might God, Eternal Father,

Prince of Peace. The dominion will be vast, and its prosperity

will never end. He will reign on the throne of David

and over his kingdom, to establish and sustain it with justice

and righteousness from now on and forever. 

The zeal of the Lord of Hosts will accomplish this."

Isaiah 9:2, 6-7

Merry Christmas Y'all! Praying that Jesus reminds you of His love for you this day! 

P.S. My dad just walked into the room while I'm typing and gave me the book "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. I am super excited!! I have heard excellent things about this. Book review coming up in a few posts? Maybe. 

A Very Merry Vickery Christmas

     This past Thursday night my roomie and I had a Christmas party in our apartment. We might have invited close to 90 people (and that was just on Facebook) and by "we" I mean me...Rach invited folks of course, but I just hate the thought of leaving anyone out so I kept adding people to the list. Thankfully as I told Rach would happen, not all 90 people came. But a lot of kiddos came. Several of the teenage boys that used to live here got a ride with one of our neighbors and came which was so great to be able to see them. There were people from Nepal, Burma, Africa and the United States. 

(Some background info-I live in a low-income apartment complex where many refugees are re-settled upon arriving in the United States for the first time. I live here on purpose. And I love it! There are several reasons why I choose to live here which I will go into more detail about in another post, but I just wanted to put that out there so my posts make a little more sense.) 

                             Sa Ron and some of her children. Such a sweet woman. 

     So our Christmas party was a little bit like a tiny United Nations or something to that effect. Several of our friends from small group came as well as neighbors of ours from church that also live in this apartment complex. My next door neighbors came for a little while-they are from Nepal and so sweet. We had cookie decorating going on and fun snacks to eat. At one point we had a friend who offered to play guitar. He played a couple of Christmas songs and ended with the song "Mighty to Save." It was beautiful. Especially the part in the song that says "Everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a Savior, the hope of nations." I teared up a little during that part of the song, thinking of all the nations represented in our apartment in that moment and knowing the opportunity I have on a daily basis to love others like Jesus and to tell His story to them. Do I always do that? No, definitely not. But I am thankful that he shows me his grace and grants me more opportunities. The Christmas party was full of games of Uno, Go Fish and even ended with a flute solo by one of our eighth graders. (He was awesome!) It was a really great evening-so worth all the spills and cookie crumbles. My small group girls were amazing-they provided tons of candy so we could give those out as goodie bags, which the kids loved! I am super blessed to have friends (and my roomie especially) who love on these kids and provide a great example to them. 

                                    Cookie Decorating!! (a little messy...)